Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #5 "E is for Eel Pie" (What else?)

An Englishman's pie made with eel
Inspires epicurean zeal.
But he must eat it quickly,
For it starts to look sickly
When the fats at the bottom congeal.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #4 "D is for Delicious"

Declaring his dinner delicious,
A dilettante chef got ambitious.
He vowed to devour
A new dish each hour,
With results that were less than auspicious.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #3 "C is for Completely Confused"

Completely confused by the case,
Young Calvin continued to pace.
He shortened his track
As he walked forth and back
Until he was walking in place.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #2 "B is for 'Behold!'"

"Behold!" said his barber to Brad,
"The most versatile cut to be had -
It's modern, it's retro,
It's gay and it's het'ro -
It's a style to suit any fad."

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #1 "A is for Australian Author"

An Australian author attended
An amusing affair - it was splendid -
But he slipped as he toasted,
And pictures were posted
Of the scribe from Down Under upended.

Blech Friday; or, Over the River and to the Mall; or, Stay Away from My Door, Buster

Black Friday is here!

And Christmas is near!
But before we get into the detail,
You must understand
The season at hand
Is the make or break season for retail.

Every store has an ad

Of the stuff to be had –
The “Early Bird Specials”, they call it
With discounts so great
You’re afraid to be late –
And eager to open your wallet.

Every store has a slew
Of bargains for you,
But you’ll notice they’re mostly the same --
Same emails, same ads,
Same offers, same fads,
Same difference, except for the name.

You favorite stores
Will open their doors
A few hours sooner than last year,
In hopes eager shoppers
Will fill up their hoppers,
And make up the slack of the past year

But people seem fine
With standing in line
For Thanksgiving doorbuster deals.
Even Thanksgiving Day,
I’m sorry to say,
No longer means gutbuster meals.

The turkeys, the yams,
The jellies, the jams,
The tales of the Pilgrims of yore,
The gravy, the glaze,
The thanks and the praise
Are replaced by a drive to the store.

I’m nearing the end
Of the time I can spend,
I’ve come to the close of my verse.
It may make you cry,
But events of Black Fri.
Are now the events of Black Thurs.

The Storms Appear, Here, I Fear, Each Year

The first storm of November
Always takes us by surprise;
It's as if we've never dealt before with snow.
We don't seem to remember,
When it comes down from the skies,
The winter coping strategies we know.

The driving skills we're proud
Of on our Minnesota roads,
Desert us and we're totally confounded.
We park where not allowed,
And we're consequently towed, -
Our vehicles expensively impounded.

We cannot find our shawl,
And we've lost our woolen caps.
Our sweaters haven't come back from the laundry.
It happens every fall
And you'd think by now, perhaps,
We'd have found a way around this yearly quandary.

Though we face it with esprit,
As a group we're going numb
From the ill effects of Boreal anesthesia.
Minnesotans, Hail to Thee!
We're as hearty as they come,
But we can't escape November storm amnesia.