Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #21 "U is for Ulysses Untied"

 Classical Tragedy

Ulysses, whose shoes were untied,
When ask if he knew it, replied,
"Ask Homer, he'll know,
I just go with the flow."
Then he trip on his shoelace and died.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabeical) #20 "T is for Ta ta"

International Incident 

"Ta ta," Tillie said after tea,
"The biscuits were perfect, but brie,
(Although a nice touch),
Is really too much,
When stir-fried with curry and ghee."

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #19 "S is for Stephen Sondheim"

I wish I could meet Stephen Sondheim
To tell him in person how fond I'm
Of his lyrics, his wordplay,
His verbal absurd play,
His lexical leapings beyond rhyme.



 

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #18 "R is for Rigoletto"

The jester at court, Rigoletto,
Had  daughter at home in the ghetto.
She met, through a fluke,
The Mantuan Duke,
And thus, there's a tragic libretto.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #17 "Q is for Quotations (Bartlett's)" [Two versions]

The words of all eras and nations
Are in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations.
If you're caught in the grip
Of a search for a quip,
Dip into these recommendations.

The words of all eras and nations
Are in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations.
The sages of ages
Engage on these pages
With wisdom for all situations.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabertical) #16 "P is for Penelope"

The Odyssey in a Few Short Sentences; or, Marriage Knots

While Penelope knitted and purled,
Ulysses's sail was unfurled.
She unraveled her work,
While he traveled - the jerk! -
Unfaithful all over the world

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabertical) #15 "O is for Orangutang"

An orangutan, bored in his tree,
Went to Walmart and bought a TV,
And then he got cable,
So now he is able
To keep up pop cultural-ly.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #14 "N is for No, No, Nanette"

When I listened to "No, No, Nanette"
As arranged for the bass clarinet,
I thought "Tea for Two"
Was a thing to get through
And try after that to forget.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #13 "M is for Minnesotans"

Minnesotans are glad that their lakes
Aren't infested with tropical snakes.
The seasonal cold
Keeps serpents controlled -
It's a very good thing (for Pete's sakes!)

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #12 "L is for Leaping Lords" Two Versions

Sir Lancelot loathed leaping lords.
He preferred manly battle with swords -
"To dance and to sing
In the court of the king?
You've got to be out of your gourds!"

Sir Lancelot loathed leaping lords.
"You've got to be out of your gourds -
Terpsichorean fluff
Isn't manly enough
For Round Table knights and their swords."

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #11 "K is for Knick-Knacks"

The knick-knacks Aunt Sheila displayed
Were all so exquisitely made
That they broke at the touch,
So they sat on the hutch,
And over the decades decayed.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #10 "J is for Jonathan's Jockey's"

All of Jonathan's Jockeys are new.
He went shopping and bought quite a few.
But he's shy and discreet
And impeccably neat,
And he modestly keeps them from view.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #9 "I is for I"

The Art Critic: Relativism; or, Ay, Ay, Ay

It isn't a thing for which I
Could give you a nay or an aye.
It isn't exact,
Not fiction or fact -
It can only be judged by the eye.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #8 "H is for St. Hildegard"

St. Hildegard's holiest miracle?
To make herself totally spherical
And bounce like a ball
Down the long abbey hall
Singing chants that were blesséd and lyrical.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #7 "G is for Gamba" (and Greensleeves and Galliard)

A consort of gambas in Rio
Played "Greensleeves" and galliards with brio.
They adapted the gamba
To playing the samba,
And transcribed the "Saudades" of Milhaud.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #6 "F is for Fritz"

Said a fellow in Frankfurt named Fritz,
"I love my fair Fräulein to bits,
For though she has faults
She can foxtrot and waltz,
And dance 'til the band calls it quits."

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #5 "E is for Eel Pie" (What else?)

An Englishman's pie made with eel
Inspires epicurean zeal.
But he must eat it quickly,
For it starts to look sickly
When the fats at the bottom congeal.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #4 "D is for Delicious"

Declaring his dinner delicious,
A dilettante chef got ambitious.
He vowed to devour
A new dish each hour,
With results that were less than auspicious.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #3 "C is for Completely Confused"

Completely confused by the case,
Young Calvin continued to pace.
He shortened his track
As he walked forth and back
Until he was walking in place.

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #2 "B is for 'Behold!'"

"Behold!" said his barber to Brad,
"The most versatile cut to be had -
It's modern, it's retro,
It's gay and it's het'ro -
It's a style to suit any fad."

Another Month of Limericks (Alphabetical) #1 "A is for Australian Author"

An Australian author attended
An amusing affair - it was splendid -
But he slipped as he toasted,
And pictures were posted
Of the scribe from Down Under upended.